Update

It's hard to believe that the fire was a month a go today. In some ways it seems like it has been a very long month... and then in other ways I wonder where the time has gone. I have been in a haze. We weren't allowed into the house until the insurance companies had done all of their investigations. I stayed in Idaho Falls for that week before I came home. I had seen pictures. But, it was much worse in person. I wasn't quite prepared for it. I had a lot of emotions when I first walked through it... mostly just gratitude that James was ok & that the boys hadn't been home. And a very humble heart that for some reason I had had a feeling to not take that lantern camping with me & the boys. It could have been so much worse.

I will admit that even though I was so grateful that everyone was ok there were still emotional times. There still are. I know that everything that we lost were just "things". I was ok with the furniture, electronics, decorations, clothes, etc... I did struggle as I saw burned baby blankets - the blankets I had so lovingly made my boys & wrapped them up in to bring them home from the hospital. As I watched all the things I had made my boys being tossed into a dumpster I did cry. My wedding pictures are gone. My scrapbooks are ruined. These are the things that I struggle with.

There were some tender mercies along the way. My Grandma Wall has always written amazing letters. I think that I have kept just about everyone she has ever sent me. I found a wet soggy box that contained all of those letters. It also had all of the letters that Travis had written me while he was on his mission & all of the letters that my Mom & Dad had sent me while I was at college. I spent a whole night gently unfolding each & everyone of them and setting them out to dry. They look and smell a little rough! But, I still have them. When my Dad retired I wanted his lunch box. I remember watching him take it to work everyday for as long as I could remember. I found it in the rubble. It is a little burned & rusted from the water - but, I have it.

I have had the strength of family and friends holding me up. My friend Ilona came from St. George and spent the first 4 days with me. She was just what I needed. She took charge for me & got the things done that I wanted. She worked through the mess, happily slept in the trailer & was fine eating breakfast at the gas station!

We had so many people offering to help that it was overwhelming. Thank you to Adam & Amber who spent a whole day cleaning out the garage, to the Fauver's that fed us so many delicious meals, to Amber & Toni who spent hours helping me inventory everything that was left in the house. Thank you to all the people in our ward who had us over for dinner and to everyone who has helped with my boys. Thank you to Megan... I am beginning to think that it is amazing how much a like cousins can be! You get me. And when I felt like I couldn't breath you always knew just what to say to make it better. Thank you.

We have tried to have a little fun a long the way... We may or may not have put our burned furniture on our neighbors roof! It looked pretty good with my big topiary tree and lamp! And we may or may not have stayed out until the middle of the night penny tapping our neighbors! By the time we were done we had 4 couples running the neighborhood with us! They do say that laughter is the best medicine!

When we were done cleaning out the house we weren't quite sure what we should do. Becky had had the boys for us. We didn't know if we should buy a house, rent a house, or stay in the temporary housing that the insurance provided. We looked at a couple houses to buy. We looked at a couple houses to rent. Nothing felt right & I was extremely overwhelmed. I did know that McKay needed to be with his friends. That he needed to go back to his school & his scout group. That Carter needed to be in his primary class. That they needed their life back. It was too much to take it all away from them. So, instead of making a big decision while we were so overwhelmed we decided to do the house that the insurance would provide. They found one for us 2 streets away from our house that we can stay in while they fix our house. It provides the boys the things they know.

In the meantime we have been staying with Jason and Kristin (James' brother & his wife). When we first walked through their doors Kristin gave me a big hug & told me "My house is yours". She truly has made it so. She has helped so much with the boys as I have had to meet with adjusters and as I spent days working on the claim. The boys have LOVED being with their cousins. I have truly enjoyed the time that we have spent here with them. I cherish the relationship that we have so much. It truly touches my heart to see the love that my boys have for you. You have truly made this trial so much lighter. Thank you.

There have been so many friends and family that I know would have come in a second if I would have asked. You have called and left message after message to check on us & to send your love. Every message, every text message, every card has meant so much. Thank you.

So, we continue to take it one day at a time. It is all we can do. The first week was hard. But, it continues to get better each day. Tomorrow our "temporary" house will be ready for us. The insurance company provides all the furniture, electronics, sheets, towels, dishes, washer and dryer.... until I can get what I want purchased. I continue to pray each day that I can handle this trial with grace.

And did I mention that I found my first grey hair!!!! Seriously! As if my house catching on fire wasn't enough!