Life...

4th of July with Aunt Sheryl and Grandma
These are the ONLY pictures I have of the whole summer... 

Yes, I know McKay's hair looks tragic! But, he was playing in baseball tournament's all day in the dead of the heat...  It could have been considered child abuse to not let him buzz it!

McKay's pool party surprise birthday party. He was convinced that everyone had forgotten about his birthday! It was hard for me not to tell him about the surprise! Lot's of friends and family made it perfect!

Yep! He belongs to me!

Hotel living... Thank goodness for an iPad. 

Beckett David Turley
September 4, 2012
7lbs 12 oz 21"

The first time the brother's got to see their little man... And of course Mac was on his way to a baseball game! 

James told me last week that it was time for me to start our blog again... Trust me when I say I have tried. I have a handful of draft's saved... But, it's hard to put into words what the last 6 months have been like. James told me to just skip it and start with today... But, I can't do that. This blog has always served as my journal and the last 6 months are something that have changed us. So, here I go. Really hoping I can get through this and not walk away with another draft saved. 

On the evening of June 18, 2012 I left with my neighbor Toni to deliver a baby present and run to get brownies at Paradise Bakery. When we left all was well. James was sitting in the front yard visiting with neighbor's and the children were playing. We hadn't been gone too long when Toni's husband Cody called and told us to get home fast. My house was on fire. I remember frantically trying to get down my street only to be blocked by fire truck's and ambulance's. I got out of the suburban to run to my house and as I did people were telling me that Cannon was in the house. I saw smoke and flames and thought that my child was stranded in a house that firemen were still trying to get into... It was Hell. There is no other way to put it. Neighbor's were holding me back and it was Hell. Finally someone ran to tell me that James had ran into the house to get Cannon and had thrown him out the back window to McKay. We are all still quite traumatized by that night. James realizing that Cannon was in the house and running in to save him. He had to run right over the fire to do so and had to also escape from a window. McKay had to sit and watch as his father ran into a house that was on fire and wait and wait... Only to have him throw his little brother out a window to him. He had to remain calm and keep his little brother calm and safe until James was able to get out to them. Everyone was standing around in complete shock and disbelief... Our neighbor's had been through this with us before... Less than a year ago. It hadn't even been a year since the first fire. I wouldn't ever wish 1 fire on anyone... How could it happen twice? So many people gathered and no one knew what to say. There wasn't anything they could say to make it better. Everything was gone again. Almost everything that I had miraculously been able to save from the first fire was now gone. I remember sitting on my neighbor's grass as I heard my window's breaking in complete shock. I needed James. I needed my children. I wish I could say that I kindly asked my neighbor's to let go of me.... I have since apologized numerous times! They try to make me feel better by telling me it wasn't that bad! As soon as I saw Cannon sitting in the ambulance with a breathing mask on everything I had lost again didn't matter. He was safe. James is truly my hero. 

It has been rough since that night. The fire department ruled our involvement out that night. But, no one knows exactly how it started. The Fire Marshall thinks that Cannon lit a match and started it. We had a forensic specialist come in and run tests that ruled out any excillerants or flammables of any kind. Our contractor and electrician's have said that it was electrical. Our insurance company has been terrible. They have treated us like criminal's from the start. Even though we have been ruled out. We have had to hire a lawyer just to deal with them because they have been so terrible. They don't want to pay the claim and are looking for any excuse not to. 

The stress from it all put me into labor in July and I wasn't due until September. I was given shots to develop the babies lungs faster and med's to stop the labor. We were living in a hotel while the house was rebuilt and I was put on strict bed rest for the remainder of my pregnancy. 

We lived in the hotel for 5 months... Yes, you read that correctly! 5 months! I was on bed rest for 2 month's and Beckett David Turley was born on September 4, 2012. He was brought home to a hotel! In that 5 month's we celebrated McKay turning 9 and Carter turning 6. Mac started third grade and Carter started kindergarten. We went to dozens and dozens and dozens of the boy's baseball games. I got very good at washing their uniform's in the bathtub! My Aunt Sheryl and my Mom came and spent the week of July 4th with us. It meant so much to me that they came. We had it planned for months and I needed their company so much. They helped to put our hearts back together. My Mom came a few times. It was really hard for her to stay away & I needed her so much. Jason and Amy and the boys came to stay with us too! We found that you could have 12 people in the hotel room with not too much hassle! We LOVED having them with us and it was a good distraction that we needed.  My friend Ilona Ence came to visit several times staying with me and helping me with anything that I needed. She is a true rock in my life. She even took the boy's for a week for me. they absolutely adore her and her family. They pray for them every night. As the time got closer for the baby to come and I was very ill prepared she and my friend's Elise Shepherd and Tysa Anderson came to stay with me and ran all my errands. They returned, exchanged and bought everything I needed as I directed them from a phone at the hotel! They did let me sneak out with them once and they escorted me around in a wheel chair! True friend's I tell you. I love and appreciate them so much. Wendy, James' sister, is one of the most giving people I know. She put together a baby shower for me that was so big that it was overwhelming. I was so humbled at how many people came. It truly touched my heart. 

I can not even come close to explaining all that my ward and neighbor's have done for our family. I was not allowed in the house after the fire because I was pregnant. My girlfriend's came and went through the remains with masks on cataloging all of the loss and salvaging anything they could for me. James and I were in such shock that we were not of much use. Our friend's truly stepped in and took over for us. Anything that could be saved was sent out to ward member's to be cleaned. Dishes and clothing were quickly saved because of it. Many people washing loads of laundry 6 or 7 times in a special treatment to get the smoke out. We were able to save some of James, McKay, and Cannon's clothes. Carter lost almost all of his and the only clothes that I had left were what were on my body the night of the fire. Meals were brought around the clock as we went through the mess. And much of the time while I was on bed rest in the hotel. My children were entertained and taken care of. I could list dozens and dozens of names and still feel as if I was missing people. The support was amazing and truly got us through a very difficult time. I can never express my gratitude enough for my primary presidency who did so much for me. I am our primary president in our ward and they stepped in and took such good care of me and fulfilled my responsibilities in an amazing way. I love them so much. To Toni and Amber... Words will never be able to express the love and gratitude that I feel towards you. People were always telling me how strong I was... But, it was because you were holding me up. And with Toni comes Cody. He is who helped James more than anyone. A true friend that I am grateful my husband has. 

My family truly saved me. From Kristin showing up the night of the fire to take traumatized little boy's home with her to Amy coming to take Cannon to Idaho and my parents taking the boys for weeks on end. Becky had them so much for me when they were back in Utah from Idaho. It was hard enough to be in a hotel... But, to be on bed rest made it all that much more difficult and I really struggled with being separated from them. It was a very emotional time. They on the other hand loved it! They were spoiled by all! And if they couldn't be with me then there isn't any other place they would rather be. I was so grateful for all of my Grandmother's phone calls. I truly felt bad as I had her so worried. But, the care packages that she and Sheryl and all of my family sent throughout the 5 months in the hotel were such a highlight. They always seemed to come at the perfect times when we would need a little pick-me-up. 

I have to say that we made the best out of it as we could. Our hotel pool was referred to as the "Turley's pool" and it was the place to be! We never had a shortage of friend's or cousin's willing to come and hang out with us! We had many grill nights on the big grill with neighbor's as the children swam. The boy's got very creative with hotel style hide and seek... And knew the In's and outs of the hotel as well as the staff did. The hotel staff was amazing. We were treated so well. They spoiled the boys with treats and presents and even sent me flowers when I had Beckett. They would come in to clean the room while I was on bed rest and they would get me anything I needed. They would let the boys into the kitchen for mid-day snacks and send bananas and sprite to the room when the boys were sick. They made it a more pleasant experience. And for that I am grateful. 

I will be honest and tell you that I now live a scared life. I am afraid of everything. When something like this happens to you twice it tends to change you for the good and a little for the bad. I don't like people to take my children places & I panic when I don't know exactly where my children are... even when it is just in our back yard... I can't leave to go to church and leave my crock pot cooking our dinner for fear that a fire might start. Seeing a fire truck racing down a street makes me sick to my stomach... Literally. Even leaving to go to Idaho for New Years I was a wreck worried that something would happen to us on the drive or that my house would not be ok when I got home... I could go on and on... It has been a roller coaster ride. But, we are ok. Cannon is safe and things can be replaced. Again. Through all of the difficult times my heart has been touched and I have been humbled by the amount of love and support we have been shown. From big things to little things they all truly meant so much to James and I. The Lord has blessed us. He always showed me that my blessings far out weighed my losses. It has made me stronger. It has changed the way that I think and act. I have continued to pray as I did with the last fire that I can get through this trial with grace. 

So, that is where I have been. And I have completed this without making it yet another draft... James will truly be proud of me. He could see how hard it was for me to put it into words. And even now I don't feel as if the words truly give it all justice. Now I will focus on capturing the life that we live each day.

(And just so you know I only did one quick read over of this... If I let myself do more I would let the perfectionist in me get the best of me and I would start changing it and it would never get posted... I got it out and done & I am sure there are many grammar errors! Today I will let those go! And those truly are the only pictures that I had on my camera from the time the fire happened until we moved back into the house. Sad. Thank goodness my mom had the boys so much and took a lot of pictures for me.)