Life...

4th of July with Aunt Sheryl and Grandma
These are the ONLY pictures I have of the whole summer... 

Yes, I know McKay's hair looks tragic! But, he was playing in baseball tournament's all day in the dead of the heat...  It could have been considered child abuse to not let him buzz it!

McKay's pool party surprise birthday party. He was convinced that everyone had forgotten about his birthday! It was hard for me not to tell him about the surprise! Lot's of friends and family made it perfect!

Yep! He belongs to me!

Hotel living... Thank goodness for an iPad. 

Beckett David Turley
September 4, 2012
7lbs 12 oz 21"

The first time the brother's got to see their little man... And of course Mac was on his way to a baseball game! 

James told me last week that it was time for me to start our blog again... Trust me when I say I have tried. I have a handful of draft's saved... But, it's hard to put into words what the last 6 months have been like. James told me to just skip it and start with today... But, I can't do that. This blog has always served as my journal and the last 6 months are something that have changed us. So, here I go. Really hoping I can get through this and not walk away with another draft saved. 

On the evening of June 18, 2012 I left with my neighbor Toni to deliver a baby present and run to get brownies at Paradise Bakery. When we left all was well. James was sitting in the front yard visiting with neighbor's and the children were playing. We hadn't been gone too long when Toni's husband Cody called and told us to get home fast. My house was on fire. I remember frantically trying to get down my street only to be blocked by fire truck's and ambulance's. I got out of the suburban to run to my house and as I did people were telling me that Cannon was in the house. I saw smoke and flames and thought that my child was stranded in a house that firemen were still trying to get into... It was Hell. There is no other way to put it. Neighbor's were holding me back and it was Hell. Finally someone ran to tell me that James had ran into the house to get Cannon and had thrown him out the back window to McKay. We are all still quite traumatized by that night. James realizing that Cannon was in the house and running in to save him. He had to run right over the fire to do so and had to also escape from a window. McKay had to sit and watch as his father ran into a house that was on fire and wait and wait... Only to have him throw his little brother out a window to him. He had to remain calm and keep his little brother calm and safe until James was able to get out to them. Everyone was standing around in complete shock and disbelief... Our neighbor's had been through this with us before... Less than a year ago. It hadn't even been a year since the first fire. I wouldn't ever wish 1 fire on anyone... How could it happen twice? So many people gathered and no one knew what to say. There wasn't anything they could say to make it better. Everything was gone again. Almost everything that I had miraculously been able to save from the first fire was now gone. I remember sitting on my neighbor's grass as I heard my window's breaking in complete shock. I needed James. I needed my children. I wish I could say that I kindly asked my neighbor's to let go of me.... I have since apologized numerous times! They try to make me feel better by telling me it wasn't that bad! As soon as I saw Cannon sitting in the ambulance with a breathing mask on everything I had lost again didn't matter. He was safe. James is truly my hero. 

It has been rough since that night. The fire department ruled our involvement out that night. But, no one knows exactly how it started. The Fire Marshall thinks that Cannon lit a match and started it. We had a forensic specialist come in and run tests that ruled out any excillerants or flammables of any kind. Our contractor and electrician's have said that it was electrical. Our insurance company has been terrible. They have treated us like criminal's from the start. Even though we have been ruled out. We have had to hire a lawyer just to deal with them because they have been so terrible. They don't want to pay the claim and are looking for any excuse not to. 

The stress from it all put me into labor in July and I wasn't due until September. I was given shots to develop the babies lungs faster and med's to stop the labor. We were living in a hotel while the house was rebuilt and I was put on strict bed rest for the remainder of my pregnancy. 

We lived in the hotel for 5 months... Yes, you read that correctly! 5 months! I was on bed rest for 2 month's and Beckett David Turley was born on September 4, 2012. He was brought home to a hotel! In that 5 month's we celebrated McKay turning 9 and Carter turning 6. Mac started third grade and Carter started kindergarten. We went to dozens and dozens and dozens of the boy's baseball games. I got very good at washing their uniform's in the bathtub! My Aunt Sheryl and my Mom came and spent the week of July 4th with us. It meant so much to me that they came. We had it planned for months and I needed their company so much. They helped to put our hearts back together. My Mom came a few times. It was really hard for her to stay away & I needed her so much. Jason and Amy and the boys came to stay with us too! We found that you could have 12 people in the hotel room with not too much hassle! We LOVED having them with us and it was a good distraction that we needed.  My friend Ilona Ence came to visit several times staying with me and helping me with anything that I needed. She is a true rock in my life. She even took the boy's for a week for me. they absolutely adore her and her family. They pray for them every night. As the time got closer for the baby to come and I was very ill prepared she and my friend's Elise Shepherd and Tysa Anderson came to stay with me and ran all my errands. They returned, exchanged and bought everything I needed as I directed them from a phone at the hotel! They did let me sneak out with them once and they escorted me around in a wheel chair! True friend's I tell you. I love and appreciate them so much. Wendy, James' sister, is one of the most giving people I know. She put together a baby shower for me that was so big that it was overwhelming. I was so humbled at how many people came. It truly touched my heart. 

I can not even come close to explaining all that my ward and neighbor's have done for our family. I was not allowed in the house after the fire because I was pregnant. My girlfriend's came and went through the remains with masks on cataloging all of the loss and salvaging anything they could for me. James and I were in such shock that we were not of much use. Our friend's truly stepped in and took over for us. Anything that could be saved was sent out to ward member's to be cleaned. Dishes and clothing were quickly saved because of it. Many people washing loads of laundry 6 or 7 times in a special treatment to get the smoke out. We were able to save some of James, McKay, and Cannon's clothes. Carter lost almost all of his and the only clothes that I had left were what were on my body the night of the fire. Meals were brought around the clock as we went through the mess. And much of the time while I was on bed rest in the hotel. My children were entertained and taken care of. I could list dozens and dozens of names and still feel as if I was missing people. The support was amazing and truly got us through a very difficult time. I can never express my gratitude enough for my primary presidency who did so much for me. I am our primary president in our ward and they stepped in and took such good care of me and fulfilled my responsibilities in an amazing way. I love them so much. To Toni and Amber... Words will never be able to express the love and gratitude that I feel towards you. People were always telling me how strong I was... But, it was because you were holding me up. And with Toni comes Cody. He is who helped James more than anyone. A true friend that I am grateful my husband has. 

My family truly saved me. From Kristin showing up the night of the fire to take traumatized little boy's home with her to Amy coming to take Cannon to Idaho and my parents taking the boys for weeks on end. Becky had them so much for me when they were back in Utah from Idaho. It was hard enough to be in a hotel... But, to be on bed rest made it all that much more difficult and I really struggled with being separated from them. It was a very emotional time. They on the other hand loved it! They were spoiled by all! And if they couldn't be with me then there isn't any other place they would rather be. I was so grateful for all of my Grandmother's phone calls. I truly felt bad as I had her so worried. But, the care packages that she and Sheryl and all of my family sent throughout the 5 months in the hotel were such a highlight. They always seemed to come at the perfect times when we would need a little pick-me-up. 

I have to say that we made the best out of it as we could. Our hotel pool was referred to as the "Turley's pool" and it was the place to be! We never had a shortage of friend's or cousin's willing to come and hang out with us! We had many grill nights on the big grill with neighbor's as the children swam. The boy's got very creative with hotel style hide and seek... And knew the In's and outs of the hotel as well as the staff did. The hotel staff was amazing. We were treated so well. They spoiled the boys with treats and presents and even sent me flowers when I had Beckett. They would come in to clean the room while I was on bed rest and they would get me anything I needed. They would let the boys into the kitchen for mid-day snacks and send bananas and sprite to the room when the boys were sick. They made it a more pleasant experience. And for that I am grateful. 

I will be honest and tell you that I now live a scared life. I am afraid of everything. When something like this happens to you twice it tends to change you for the good and a little for the bad. I don't like people to take my children places & I panic when I don't know exactly where my children are... even when it is just in our back yard... I can't leave to go to church and leave my crock pot cooking our dinner for fear that a fire might start. Seeing a fire truck racing down a street makes me sick to my stomach... Literally. Even leaving to go to Idaho for New Years I was a wreck worried that something would happen to us on the drive or that my house would not be ok when I got home... I could go on and on... It has been a roller coaster ride. But, we are ok. Cannon is safe and things can be replaced. Again. Through all of the difficult times my heart has been touched and I have been humbled by the amount of love and support we have been shown. From big things to little things they all truly meant so much to James and I. The Lord has blessed us. He always showed me that my blessings far out weighed my losses. It has made me stronger. It has changed the way that I think and act. I have continued to pray as I did with the last fire that I can get through this trial with grace. 

So, that is where I have been. And I have completed this without making it yet another draft... James will truly be proud of me. He could see how hard it was for me to put it into words. And even now I don't feel as if the words truly give it all justice. Now I will focus on capturing the life that we live each day.

(And just so you know I only did one quick read over of this... If I let myself do more I would let the perfectionist in me get the best of me and I would start changing it and it would never get posted... I got it out and done & I am sure there are many grammar errors! Today I will let those go! And those truly are the only pictures that I had on my camera from the time the fire happened until we moved back into the house. Sad. Thank goodness my mom had the boys so much and took a lot of pictures for me.) 

You know when you are at 7 Peaks and the little man tells you he wants you to hold him so that he can sleep... that he is sick. That just does not happen with him. He goes 1000 miles an hour all day long! So, today while Carter is in Idaho and McKay is enjoying a sleep over and a day with his cousins... I am rocking a sick little man. I don't like it when my children get sick... But, I do like that I am their mother and I am who they want and who makes everything better! 

Where We Start Our Days...

Each weekday after breakfast we head to Flat Iron... It's where we start our day. It's usually where McKay and James end their days too... I honestly think that Sandy, Utah is so beautiful. Where ever we go... Whatever we do we are at the base of these beautiful mountains. I understand why James wanted to come back. 

We spend an hour with me hitting grounder's and pop fly's to Mac, while the little man walks around with a bat begging me to pitch to him and Carter is usually off exploring the hills behind us. This just happens to be the exact field that James hit his first home run on when he was little... and the same field that McKay hit his first on! Sweet memories for James and McKay. 

In the first photo you see McKay running... The deal is he has to run from home to center field's fence for every bad throw he makes! He usually doesn't have to run very often. But, it serves two purposes... It keeps him focused - the first morning he had to do it 7 times was no laughing matter to him and the number hasn't been high since! And it keeps this pregnant lady from having to chase down a bunch of over thrown balls! He knows I can't jump and I can't bend over very far so they have to be good throws! 

I love being out first thing in the morning enjoying the boys and the beautiful view!

Funny Boys....

(McKay's Mother's Day drawing of me!) 

The boys are a little intrigued by this pregnancy... They weren't really old enough to remember when I was pregnant with Cannon. But, they seem to notice everything now that they are a little bit older! Here are a couple funny moments: 

* McKay: "Mom, I feel sorry for you".

Me: "Uummmm.... Why"? McKay: "Because your pregnant and you won't be able to ride the water slides at Seven Peaks or Cherry Hill, you don't get to go with us to Redfish Lake or go to Lake Powell... And your going to be really fat and have swollen feet all summer long..."Me: "Wow Mac! Thanks for thinking about me"!McKay: "And your starting to waddle..."Me: "Go to bed Mckay"!

* Carter: "Mom, you need to eat tastier food... I remember when I was a baby in your tummy and the food was absolutely disgusting"!

* McKay: "So Mom.... you will be skinny again.... right"?

* Carter: "How fat did you get when you were pregnant with me Mom"?

* McKay: "So, if Heavenly Father put that baby in your tummy how exactly is he planning on getting it out...


* Carter: "If you don't stop throwing up... will you throw up the baby? Because that would be weird"!

* And Cannon uses the excuse that he has a baby in his tummy whenever he doesn't want to do something....

"Mom, I don't want to take a nap... my baby in my tummy is not tired."

"I don't want to pick up my toys... my baby in my tummy is hurting me"!

"No thank you, I don't want dinner... my baby in my tummy is not hungry"!

I do love how they dote on me and take care of me. Always offering to do things for me
 and to help me. Every time they pray they pray for me and that the baby will be healthy and strong. The boys and I have a name that we like... We are just trying to talk James into it! He says I play cheap! And in all honesty it was a name that I liked... that I got the boys liking hoping that they would talk their Dad into it!!! They can finally feel the baby moving and I love to see their excitement when they do. It's an exciting time for all of us.  

A Little Getaway....

We headed off to St. George for a long Memorial weekend. I realized about a week ago that if we didn't take a quick little family vacation that we wouldn't be able to until the first of August because of baseball... and then at that point I will only be a couple weeks away from having a baby and it probably won't happen! So, we headed out to one of our favorite places to be with some of our favorite people! 

We enjoyed warm weather, lots of pool time, good food, being with friends and family & just relaxing! St. George has a very special place in our hearts and it truly feels like our second home! The boys may or may not have witnessed a pack rat being launched out of a potato gun... and McKay may or may not have come home with a full mohawk! I HAD been begging him to cut his hair! We always come home with lots of good memories! 

Feeling The Itch!

When our fire happened last year James and I put our possessions in order of importance of how and when to replace them. We were each given one freebie... We could each pick one item that we could splurge on and we weren't allowed to give the other any sort of grief! Seriously, do you know how much money he can spend on a pair of skis! So, he chose to splurge on his skis and I chose to splurge on my sewing machine. And there is nothing like a little baby on the way to get you into the mood to sew! But, I have been so torn... When the fire happened we had just moved all of our stuff from storage to our garage to go through it... And because of that I lost all of my baby stuff! All of it! I don't have a thing! But, the hardest part of that is that I lost all of things that I had made McKay, Carter and Cannon when they were babies. Yes, I was a sobbing mess as I watched the Service Master men throw all my burned baby quilts into dumpsters... So, I feel bad that this baby will have all of that and my other little men won't. I wanted to save their little things and give them to them when they started their families... What do I say when I only have that for the fourth little man... Yes, I am feeling a little guilty... James assures me that the excuse of a house fire is a pretty good one! And I guess it will just give me the excuse to make all new things for grand children... But, in the present I am still trying to figure out how I feel about it... It's a process to work through. So, in the mean time I just keep making burp cloths... So far I have made 30! I better work it out pretty quick because I don't need any more burp cloths! 

No, we have not fallen off the face of the planet... We have baseball 6 days of the week and I feel like our lives revolve around that right now. We have many nights of eating dinner at the ball fields! And it won't be slowing down any time soon as McKay has made All Star's! He made it last year too... But, because we had so much planned in our summer he wasn't able to do it. So, we promised him last year that if he made the team again this year he could do it. He has been working so hard to ensure that he made the team. I am very proud of him! Things tend to come easy to McKay. So, he doesn't always have the drive that I wish he would have. But, something clicked this spring and he has been so driven. James and I both have spent hours with him at the field practicing with him. I have literally hit hundreds and hundreds of grounders and pop fly's to him! Yes, I am sure it is quite the site for the people driving by as they see a pregnant lady hitting balls! James is over the pitching and hitting department! McKay hits too hard for me to feel comfortable on a pitching mound! There have been plenty of mornings that McKay has set his own alarm clock for 6:00 a.m. and has come to get James to go and hit balls. I am so proud that he set his mind to something and learned that with hard work he was able to accomplish it.  So, that is kind of our life in a nut shell right now! 

Here's another round of pictures of Cannon... He was waiting for his little friends to pick him up for a play date of running through the sprinklers! He is quite the independent little soul and loves when he gets to go by himself for a play date! He feels so special and reminds Carter all morning that he doesn't get to go! 

School is coming to an end and we are looking forward to the carefree days of summer!

Life

A certain little man will let you take his picture if you let him wear his Captain America costume and promise him "nemalade" (lemonade) when he is done! 

These pictures actually made me cry! We found out last week on my 34th birthday that our little caboose is another little man! It was a very exciting birthday present! That will be 4 little men in this Turley family. I love my little men and these pictures make me so excited to have another one! I have been thinking so much about him the last few days... What will he look like? We already have three... how will he look different and be his own little person! What will his personality be like? Will he be laid back and chill like McKay? Or a little more driven and intense like Carter and Cannon? As we were coming home from our ultra sound I started to cry! James asked me if I was ok.... I think he thought I had lost it a little bit! We were actually a little nervous that they were going to tell us it was a girl and relieved and excited when they told us it was a boy! So, I wasn't disappointed that it wasn't a girl... I started to bawl when I realized that I was going to have to send 4 boys on missions! Four mission! Four mission calls! Four times to the MTC! Eight years of having a son gone! I lost it! Seriously I did! And then I started to cry harder when I realized the faith that the Lord had in me to raise such strong men. I was a little intimidated and humbled. James had to drive around for a bit while I composed myself! I didn't want my Mom to panic when we went home and saw me a wreck! We went and bought blue balloons to hang outside and blue cupcakes for the boys. The boys were really excited. Carter had been praying everyday for months that it would be a boy!

Life has been busy... My Mom came to stay with us for a long weekend. She wanted to be here for my birthday and for the ultrasound. It is always so wonderful to have her here. I love it as much as the boys do. 

Baseball has officially taken over our lives! With James coaching McKay and Carter we have baseball 6 days a week! I love it! I grew up in a baseball family and I love that we are a baseball family! McKay is doing awesome. He has been practicing and working so hard and it is showing. On top of the time that James spends with him I spend about an hour a day playing catch and hot box with him. This is when I am very grateful for all of the time that my Dad spent with me when I was younger playing catch! He was determined to have a daughter who could throw a baseball! I laugh as I hear all of the things that my Dad used to say to me when we played catch now coming out of my mouth as I play catch with McKay! Carter is playing machine pitch this year and loves it! I think he was most excited about getting a full uniform! And Cannon has the bug as much as the other boys... He walks around with a mitt on his hand all day long begging someone to play catch with him! As the neighbors know, once you start playing with him he won't let you stop! He even fell asleep the other night holding onto his mitt! 

Carter and I still do school almost everyday and he is very proud of the fact that he is now reading! He loves math and is always asking for math work. I'm a little nervous for him to start kindergarten next year that he will be bored out of his mind! 

Life just continues to go by... On top of everything else James does he is being super husband and filling in for all that I don't feel up to doing. I am starting to have more good days than bad and hope that that continues! I can now leave the house without feeling like I am going to throw-up or being drugged on a daily basis! so, now we just anxiously await to meet this little man! 

Idaho

By the time spring break usually hits I am in major need of some warm weather and we head to St. George for the week. That was the plan again this year... But, the closer and closer it got I started to think that we should go to Idaho. I was wondering if I was crazy... Why would you go to Idaho for spring break when you could go to St. George! Well, maybe because we hadn't been since July... And we were in need of spending some time with family. So, I hurried and called everyone and told them we were coming before I could change my mind & knowing that they would all hold me to it! It did snow & it did rain! But, for the most part the weather was pretty good for April in Idaho. But, the time with family was worth it. The boys were spoiled as always with time with their cousins  (Cannon was quick to fall in love with Jason & Amy all over again!), going to the museum to see the dinosaurs, going out to lunch and dinner & going fishing and on adventures with Grandpa. They read lots of books with Grandma, reloaded bullets with Grandpa, & had a late night with Grandpa while Mom & Grandma went to the movie. They of course were able to talk him into all of the things that I had told them no to as I left!  Grandma took them to a new place called iJump & they loved it so much they talked Grandpa into taking them back the next day! They played lots of baseball with Grandma &a Grandpa & Cannon loved finding bugs in the dirt with Grandpa. We were truly able to spend so much time with my brothers & their families, Joe & Wendy & the boys & the Beattie's. James came later in the week for Easter and he cooked ribs for my whole family! 9 racks &
 there wasn't a single piece left! We didn't come back tan like we would have from St. George! But, we came back with our hearts full!